Trusting in God’s Call

December 2019, I knew where God wanted me to go next. He wanted me to apply to serve in South Korea. I had been hesitant because of my mom’s health, however God made Himself clear when He brought me to tears standing on Namsan looking over the city of Seoul. Despite worries and doubts that still gnawed at the back of my mind, I began the application process to work in South Korea as a missionary. God, knowing of my worries, continued to affirm me in this. Even before my Christmas trip to Korea in 2019, I had a handful of chances to work with Korean ministries in the states, had been able to go to Korea for a summer trip which was nearly fully-funded, and had friends and family tell me that they also thought I should go to Korea for missions. God slowly broke my heart for the people of South Korea who were turning away from Christ, for the young people who had a false representation of God, and for the churches who had strayed from the truth. I couldn’t explain why I decided to start looking into South Korea, I just happened to one day. And it led me to that moment in December of 2019. 

Shortly after submitting my application, God affirmed me once again in a huge way. My biggest concern about going overseas was my mom’s health. I didn’t want her to have her transplant when I was on the other side of the world when my brother and I are her primary care givers. Yet, a week and half after submitting my application, my mom got the call that there was a new kidney and a new liver waiting ready for her. I couldn’t stop praising the Lord for what He had done! Even though it didn’t come without complications, friends and family were quick to remind me of God’s goodness even in my mom’s rough recovery time.

Then, March 2020 arrived. Only three months into my journey into being a missionary, everything seemed to suddenly come to a stop. I couldn’t get a doctor's appointment to continue my medical clearance, pushing back my leave date for at least three months. Then countries began to close their borders and missionaries were being sent home. I have to admit that I lost hope in being able to go overseas. I looked into other jobs I could have or the possibility of just going ahead and getting a Master’s degree. I thought that maybe I heard God wrong and that I wasn’t supposed to go to Korea. But God is bigger than I can fathom and He is good to us even when we doubt. He was still good to me even though I got angry, I doubted, and I tried to do things on my own. In the middle of Covid, I got an email saying that I would still be able to go to orientation and go to Korea, I’d just have to wait until January 2021. Even though that was not my plan, that was exactly what God wanted. If it wasn’t for that, I wouldn’t have been able to spend the time that I needed with my niece and nephew, with my brother, with my dad and step-mom, or with my mom. Not to mention, if I had left when I wanted to, I couldn’t have helped my mom when she didn’t have a place to live or help my brother and sister-in-law when they moved. If I had gone to Korea when I wanted to, restaurants and cafes would have been closed and there would have been less opportunities for our team. 

If you don’t know the story behind the song “I Have Decided to Follow Jesus,” you should look that up. A man named Assam spoke those words after losing his family and before being killed for his faith. He said these words in confidence because He had complete trust in God. Covid and surgeries seem so small compared to that kind of persecution. I wish I would’ve never doubted God and I wish that I could say I always trusted in His plan. But I’m happy to say that even though I did doubt and did try to do things myself instead that God still worked. He still got me where He wanted me and He did so in His timing. It was the perfect reminder I needed that God knows what is best for every single person, including me when I’m being stubborn. So, if God is calling you to something, trust in Him. He’s not going to lie to us or lead us astray. He knows what’s best, even if it’s not easy. Other Christians have suffered more than I can imagine on this earth, but they knew that living this life for Christ is worth everything. So now I say that I have decided to follow Jesus and if one day I have to face persecution for my faith I pray that I can stand tall and say it just as boldly.